The following short poemblog is “Howie the Not-So-Horny Hentai Monster”, the tale of a poor tentacle monster who’s working hard for the money. Player below (direct link).

Here’s the text so you can read along!

Howie the Not-So-Horny Hentai Monster
By Alicia Goranson

I’m Howie the Hentai Monster
And I’m just not into you as
You’ve too few holes for my tentacles
And you squeak like drowning shrew.

Your skeleton’s repulsive
And your skin has nasty taste.
And if I’m to understand it
You’ve an orifice for waste.

Remind which that is, please
Not the ones there in your face?
Right. Your eyes are placed quite funny
And your beak’s in a silly place.

Your body can’t change color
And your manners lack all tact.
I’ll squeeze you with my suckers
But you can’t sucker me back.

Your head has seaweed stuck there
Soaked in oils and foulest cream.
I tried to pull it off but
Then it only made you scream.

This act of reproduction
Is just murder on my spine.
If this’ for someone’s benefit
It surely isn’t mine.

We’re doing this on land, I see
You know that’s very queer.
I’m quite dextrous in water but
I spose I’ll just stay here.

The camera lights dry me out
And I hope we get this take
The director calls me “Bento”
And we both know he’s a fake.

I do possess a phallus
But it’s far too long for you.
The director says its too weird
And he’d know a thing or two.

I spose we have a good act
As my tentacles in you piston
But the only thing we share’s a
Closed circulatory system.

I suppose I’ll get my paycheck
If you’re who I’m s’posed to screw
But let’s get one thing clear here
Howie’s just not into you.